Practically Married
by Vicky-V
Summary: Turles crosses the path of Raditz and Zarbon. And will think better of it next time. RaditzxZarbon oneshot ficlet. Shounenai and suggestive language.


**Pairing:** RaditzxZarbon

**Rating:** PG-13

**Warning:** Shounen-ai, suggestive language. Takes place when the characters are dead and in hell.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing in connection with the characters used in this non-profit fanfiction. All events similar to real life are coincidence.

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**Practically Married**

Now _there_ was a very fine specimen. Turles had no idea how long it had been since he'd entered the afterlife, (and didn't see the sense in keeping track of time now), but knew it had been _far_ too long since coming across something even vaguely attractive. And what he could see was _much_ more than vaguely. From where he stood, Turles couldn't quite tell whether it was male or female. But such a minor detail had never been too much of a concern to him.

Deciding he was very interested in livening up his otherwise very dull time in the afterlife so far with this being, he walked over. Whatever it was had its eyes closed and was stretched out on a very large boulder with a conveniently flat top.

"Hey, you awake?"

The being half-opened one eye and Turles received a very bored, uninterested look at first. Then it blinked, opened both eyes and examined him, seeming a bit more interested. "Don't I know you?"

Ah, so it was a male.

"No," Turles said, leaning down to loom over him. "I'd definitely remember somebody like you."

"Fine. You damn Saiyans all look the same anyway." With that, Zarbon proceeded to close his eyes and ignore the fact that Turles was almost on top of him.

So it seemed he going for the hard-to-get option. That was fine. Turles enjoyed a challenge.

"Come now," Turles smirked. "Surely you're horrendously bored down here?"

"That's not your business."

"And here I am offering entertainment."

"Go away."

"I'll bet I could convince you otherwise."

Zarbon opened one eye again to glare at Turles. "Are you still here?"

Turles could feel himself becoming irate. A challenge was always fun, but this was highly un-cooperative behaviour. He felt a draft around the back of his knees, then came to realise his tail had unwound itself from his waist and was swishing behind him. "Geez, what crawled up your ass and died?" Then he smirked again. "I could remove it for you."

That provoked some activity in Zarbon. He sat up, his eyes blazing with fury, and opened his mouth to retaliate. But that was as far as he got.

There was a yelp from Turles as he was taken completely by surprise when a lump of dead _something_ came hurling through the air and struck him hard on the side of his head. He turned around, snarling and pressing his palm against the newly acquired and rapidly swelling lump, to see another Saiyan wearing similar armour and with hair which seemed almost endless.

"Kaka-" Raditz growled, stepping forward. Then he got a better look at the other Saiyan. Most of the differences were rather small yet confirmed that he was definitely mistaken in thinking that, somehow, Kakarott had re-grown his tail, found himself a set of Saiyan armour, then died and gone to hell. "Who the hell are you?"

Behind them both, Zarbon rolled his eyes.

"Who the hell are _you_?" Turles asked, looking Raditz up and down and curling his top lip. "And what was that all about? Can't you see I'm busy here?" Turles glanced towards Zarbon and noticed he had gone back to laying down and having his eyes closed.

Now it was Raditz's turn to have a wide smirk stretch across his face. "Too late there, freak!"

"What?" Turles raised an eyebrow, then felt the corners of his mouth plummet down when he realised what Raditz meant. His eyes flickered to Zarbon again, who hadn't moved, then back to Raditz. "But I'm sure you wouldn't be adverse to a bit of sharing?"

"And why would any being with any sort of sense want to share a guy like him?"

"What?" Zarbon was up again, this time off the boulder and on his feet. "Since when did you have _any_ sort of claim on _me_?"

Turles' smirk returned. "So I'm still in with a chance."

"Dream on!" snapped Zarbon.

Raditz looked smug.

"What do you have to look so pleased about?" Zarbon growled. "You needn't think you've won."

"Some of the noises I've heard from you," Raditz shrugged in a way which was meant to provoke, "would make me disagree."

"You can count yourself as extremely lucky," Zarbon said, his tone slow but highly dangerous. "That you're already dead."

"And I can finally loosen my tongue," Raditz said, his smirk still present.

"That counts for nothing," said Zarbon. "Because I know you still carry a lot of sensitivity in your tail, now don't I?"

Raditz responded by swinging his tail through the air, dragging it slowly and deliberately over Zarbon's thigh.

"Urgh! Forget it!" Turles interrupted, just as Zarbon was inhaling deeply. Raditz was somewhat grateful for that. Such a short yet sharp intake of air from Zarbon meant something _very_ scathing was about to be said. "I didn't realise the damn pair of you were married."

Zarbon deflated. Momentarily stumped.

Raditz looked thoughtful.

"Some of the ceremonial garbs I've seen wouldn't look too bad on you," Raditz said to Zarbon, his smirk _still_ there.

Zarbon focusing all of his violent attention on Raditz meant Turles was able to slip away, deciding it would be best for his sanity to try and not cross either of their paths for a while.

_**END**_


End file.
